12 Things Your Guy Doesn’t Want to Hear

Whether your relationship is wrapped in the marriage vows or you are dating, and your guy is really wonderful, you want to stay on his good side. But how can you do that? Choose your words wisely. There are certain hot button phrases for men that they just don’t like to hear. So, bite your tongue when it comes to these sticky subjects:

1. Don’t ask, especially if your relationship is new, “Do you love me?”

Men need to feel their freedom, not bound down. Saying ‘I love you’ can be very scary for them. Even if you have already shared his bed, this can bring the relationship to a screeching halt. Of course, if you are married, go ahead and ask, but the chances of getting the right answer are better if he is not distracted.

2. “I’m thinking of getting some plastic surgery.”

Men like their women to look naturally beautiful. They like to believe their women are born beautiful, not surgically enhanced, or even made up. So be discreet. Or course, what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt. So, if you use lip gloss, concealer, blush, and mascara to obtain that ‘natural look’, do so carefully. Don’t paste yourself so that you look like you are wearing a mask. This can apply to plastic surgery also. Keep it looking real and your man should be happy. The exception to this rule is often breast enhancement. If you ask his opinion about this subject, be prepared to hear his answer.

3. You used to take me out more often – now we don’t do anything.

Men love to veg out, kick back and do nothing. He sees doing nothing together as actually doing something. Also, he may be low on cash, something you may or may not be aware of. Think about inexpensive things you both enjoy and do together. If you find that the only thing you both enjoy is having sex, consider this a red flag. This is an indication that he is not really that interested in doing anything else with you.

4. “Don’t you like my [hairdo, weight loss, outfit]?

Keeping track of changes in hairdo or outfits and such seem like hard work to guys. Such observances are easier for men to let slip than women. While calling him on it can easily put him on the defensive, be tactful. Try putting it this way: “Maybe you haven’t noticed, but do you like my new hairdo?” Or perhaps, “Have you noticed that I have lot 10 pounds in the last six weeks? My goal is to lose five more.” That should get a good response.

5. “Don’t you want to go shopping?”

What guys really hear is that you hate his favorite T-shirt and ripped jeans, and next you’ll want him to get a new hairstyle. Trying to get him to wear different clothes, especially ones he doesn’t like, tells him that in order for you to love him, he has to change. While some guys aren’t bugged about this once they are married, most are and may cause them to have second thoughts.

6. “Can we talk?” (While he is trying to watch a sports event or work out or unwind from a hectic day).

Timing is more important than the question here. Ask when he isn’t engrossed in other things. Good communication skills are important in any relationship, so make sure both of you are free to talk.

7. I only slept with [insert number] guys before you.

Don’t ever have this discussion. He doesn’t want to have this information.

8. You care about your friends than you do about me.

More often than not, guys hear something far different than what you are saying, and the reverse is also true. He may interpret this as a trust issue. He may think that you don’t trust him when he is out of your sight with his friends. Or, he may think that you want to close him off from his friends all together. Just remember that, unlike women, when guys get into serious relationships with women, they hold onto their friends and find ways to involve them in their lives. Then again, if he REALLY does care for his friends more than he does you, it may be time to bow out and find a different man.

9. Why don’t you go to the gym?

Yikes! Would you like him to ask YOU this question? He may hear, “I think you are out of shape, or fat or lazy.” Chances are he will dig his feet in and refuse to go. Instead, find some activities, like biking or hiking or volleyball for instance. Pick something you might both really enjoy. Perhaps you can end the activity with a healthy picnic and a bottle of wine.

10. Does this make me look fat?

OK, this is a no win question. If you are a bit overweight do you want to hear it from him? He has to figure out if you really want truthful critique or if you want to hear, “You look great in that.” So, do you want him to make you feel better about what you are wearing, or do you want him to lie? Just don’t go there.

11. Can’t you do anything better than watch TV?

Do you want him to think that the career he has is worthless? (Assuming he has one), or anything else he is involved with? For health reasons, you want to discourage couch-potato syndrome, but if he’s watching only a few hours of TV a week, give him a break, or entice him away from the TV with fun activities.

12. Why can’t you be as successful as my sister’s (or other’s) husband?

Comparing your partner with somebody else is demeaning and belittling and will hurt your relationship. It’ll also make your man less likely to want to spend any time with your sister and her husband. Far better to be supportive of your man and his career. Also, keep reasonable expectations.