Where is the Lust?

How To Bring the Lust Back In To Your Relationship

Maybe you’re both stressed, tried, something else is occupying your mind; it’s perfectly normal to have the occasional week away from sex. But if you’ve been sitting at a low point for a little too long in your sex life, it’s time to reignite the flames of passion.

There are four situations in relationships when sex drives typically take a nose dive and we’ve asked experts for the very best ideas to get you and your partner back into the passionate groove.

Situation #1: The Novelty is Gone

When you first met, it probably seemed as though your mattress springs would not stop squeaking and we’re sure you always had that special glow about you.

Infatuation triggers the release of extra dopamine in your brain which fuels your libido. When the novelty of your new relationship starts to wear off, so does the extra dopamine boost. Allow us to help you with some ideas to get back on track.

Scare Your Pants Off… Literally!

Dopamine can also be triggered when you’re taken by surprise or maybe even a little scared. Do things together that will allow you to recreate the new, exciting, and different feeling. Maybe even do something a little scary to bring you closer together. A relatively tame act may even be a little thrilling if it’s unexpected.

Visit the drug store and grab a couple of boxes of temporary hair die and go to town on each other. You can recreate that sexy feeling with the hand-on-scalp feeling along with the exciting risk of not knowing quite how it’s going to turn out.

Reset Boundaries

Of course becoming comfortable with your partner has both rewards and pitfalls. Sexual attraction requires a little mystery and excitement. With the lust wearing off, maybe it’s time to start closing the bathroom door, putting sexy clothes on at bedtime, or burping under your breath.

Make time for each other again by scheduling date nights at hot new venues. Get cocktails together at a swanky hotel bar or have a night at the opera. Dressing up, acting formal and seeing other couples may help to bring back some of the thrill you once had when you were dating.

Situation #2: Forsaking All Others

Your wedding date is approaching and one or both of you is freaking out. The idea of one sexual partner for a lifetime makes walking barefoot over hot coals sound more appealing to some of us.

Just Do It!

Sexual contact for a man is how they communicate their deep emotions without having to actually say them. Forgive us women but in a generally good relationship, if you just go ahead with sex, even when you’re not in the mood, there are benefits which can be significant.

Stop writing your wedding thank you notes and undress each other instead. That few minutes of romantic time tells your man that he’s more important than anyone else. The act also releases oxytocin, a hormone that will make you feel bonded and attached.

Beyond the Wedding

Married women are more than twice as likely as single women to have sex two or three times a week, the odds are on your side. The bond of marriage will actually bring you closer when you can communicate about intimacy and make time to do it. When you grow to understand your partner’s sexual and intimacy needs, you’ll create a better connection between you.

Situation #3: Life Becomes Stressful

Falling on financial difficulties, losing your job, or dealing with stress of family can make a lot of us respond by withdrawing, even from our partner. Stress can cause levels of libido-stoking testosterone to drop. When a guy experiences a stress trigger that can be a blow to his ego or manhood, he’s not exactly feeling up to bringing this mood to bed. For a woman, a drop in her income by just 20% has shown to lower her self worth and her sex drive can plummet.

Tackle It Together

If your guy is the one taking the hit, become a united front. During conversations, refer to the issue as “ours” rather than “his,” which will let him know you are not blaming him. You might also make it clear that he hasn’t lost any status in your eyes. Spend moments together reminding him of his strong points then breaking out the massage oil to rub his stress away. No, you are not his massage therapist but paying the roll for a night or two may boost his self-esteem and sexual drive.

Think Dirty Thoughts

When it’s you in the stress-induced slump, just talking about sex in a more positive way can be powerful. Say things to your guy that are simple like, “I miss making love.” Saying what you feel and thinking about your sex life can help to trigger memories of your last romantic encounter, all the delightful details, and remind you how getting naked with you man can make you feel.

Situation #4: Here Comes Baby

There’s an irony of having children. The act of creating them is sidelined once they’re born. It’s not a sexy threesome to have your little one sleeping between you in the middle of the night. Sometimes, it’s enough when trying to conceive to make your sex drive hibernates, especially when you’re facing fertility issues.

Do It With No Pressure

When you’re having sex just for the pleasure instead of pregnancy, there are fewer expectations and will decrease the likelihood of disappointment for either of you. Sneak in non-baby making sex when you’re not ovulating just to keep your drive alive.

If it feels as though your bedroom has become nothing more than fertility central, take the fun-only sex on a tour. Your best loving making bet? The closet! Clothes emit a potent chemical from men’s sweat, hair, and skin that arouse women!

Adults Play Date

Getting regular alone time or dates once children arrive gives you time to talk about intimate things. It seems so obvious but this time together won’t happen if you don’t plan it. Make time to sneak away for a day or two every few months. If you have weather and location on your side, head to the ocean. You will have uninterrupted time for conversation in the car and – a dopamine boost – you can jump in for a late-night skinny dip. Even visiting the local coffee house is an easy getaway. Take time to talk like adults over a mocha and use the caffeine perk for that crucial hour once the kids go to bed.