Making Time for Sex

Finding the time for sex entails more than just setting a mental clock. Other considerations are always at play. What can I expect if it’s my first time? Is it really risky to have a fling with a stranger? What can I do if I am not in the mood? What can I do about my fading libido? Here is a short discussion about just these questions and a little more.

Safe Sex

Practicing safe sex protects both partners from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Using a condom acts a barrier by blocking viruses, bacteria, and any other infectious matter. Using a condom is not 100% safe, but goes a long way to protect you and your partner. The only 100% safe sex is actually no sex at all, called abstinence. If your partner doesn’t want to use a condom for males, there are female condoms available. They are a little more expensive and take a bit of practice to insert into your vagina, but better to use than nothing at all, by a long shot. Oral barriers are also available.

Sex for the First Time

A male’s first sexual encounter is liable to be quicker than even he is planning on. Apprehension and anticipation along with the physical pressure are likely to make his first time be more about sexual release than lengthy foreplay and careful penetration. Females experience that feeling of arousal and urgency also, but for her first time penetration can be a little painful. It is normal for a woman to have a small amount of bleeding. This is because the first sexual experience for her tears the hymen, a thin mucous membrane that completely or partly covers the opening of the vagina. However, just because no bleeding takes place does not mean the female was not a virgin. The hymen can be ruptured in other ways, like sports, horseback riding, use of tampons, and others.

Sex With Strangers

Having sexual relations with a stranger is highly hazardous. When you don’t know the history of your sex partner and then choose to forego a condom, you are literally taking a roll of the dice with your life. Better to know who you are sleeping with and protect yourself. Not to mention that you don’t know if the person is going to leave when you are finished and never come back or if they come back with very bad intentions. Heaven forbid the stranger leaves you harmed or dead.

To Know One is to Know Them All

You may have had some wonderful relationships in the past and your sex life was very satisfying. You figure that since things went so smoothly before, you know all there is to know about your new partner. You couldn’t be more wrong. Sure, the basics are there, but what stimulates one person may be another person’s turn-off. Get to know your partner and find out what pleases them. In return, you can clue your partner in on what pleases you.

Skipping Sex

In a survey of 1,000 people, 53% said their number one reason for skipping or turning down sex was because they were too tired. Other reasons for saying “No, thank you’” to sex were health reasons, children, or not in the mood. Getting the rest you need is advantageous on many levels, but perhaps there is a solution. If it’s possible, try to fit in a short nap or relaxation time. Make it a point to get to bed earlier and make time for each other. If you are not in the mood because you’ve argued, take time to cool down your temper and work out the problem. Some say “make-up sex” is among the best. If children are hampering your trip to bed, maybe it would be worth the effort to get them to bed earlier and giving you the time and hopefully the energy you need to satisfy your sexual desire.

Making Time

When is the last time you and your partner had sex? If you have to really think about the answer, it’s been too long. In our busy world it is easy to put everything else first, leaving our sex life sorely neglected. You must make a conscious effort to get back into the groove. Practice looking into a mirror and shaking your head “no” at the same time saying it out loud. I don’t mean so you can practice saying no to your partner. I mean you need to learn to say no to some other demand in your life. What is it? Too many hours at work? Learn this phrase, “I’d love to work longer, but with all the extra time I’ve put in, I need to tend to my family.” Then do it.

The Love Hormone

Oxytocin is a hormone credited with feelings of love and nurturing. Having sex that ends in successful climax raises the oxytocin levels in our bodies. We are left with feelings of bonding and trust. So, you could say the more sex you have, the higher the possibility of growing closer with your partner.

When the Glow Wears Off

It is a sad truth that as time goes on we lose that excited glow that is present in new relationships. To some extent we have little control over that, but we can influence the way we perceive our partner. Just because you’ve been together for a while doesn’t mean your sex life has to flat line. Make an effort to woo your mate. When he comes home from work, have a special dinner simmering in a pot and meet him in nothing but an apron. Or, when she comes home, have the table set with candles, dinner ready (or delivered), and be ready to hold hands across the table and listen to soft music. It may sound old fashioned and corny, but you wouldn’t think so if it were your partner meeting you at the door like that.

Medication and Libido

Aging couples often find that their libido just isn’t what it used to be, or what they want it to be. Often these men and women just accept it as part of aging. But that is a fallacy. Many medications, especially high blood pressure meds, carry the side affect that hampers libido. Tranquilizers and some heart medications also inhibit sexual response. If you take any of these types of medicine, or any other, and your sex drive is just not what it should be, speak with your doctor. If you are not on any medication, you should consider getting sexually active, drawing on the adage, “Use it or lose it”.

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